Thursday, January 10, 2008
Cleanse: Day VII
It's like a hunger strike for Darfur, only it's really so I can fit into all my pants.
When people casually ask me what I'm doing for lunch or see me come into the kitchen while they're heating up fragrant Indian food, they apologize profusely as if I were a mosque and they just entered me with shoes on, eating a pork rib hero.
I can tolerate the sight of food! To prove it, I will attend our weekly brown bag tomorrow, where there will be free kettle chips, Les Petits Ecoliers and cheese and crackers.
It's amazing how a single day of sub-par weight loss (in today's case, straight up zero) dampens your mood. I lost 2.8 lbs in the two prior days, which made me think I'd mastered the rhythm (eight glasses of lemonade, with some pulp and rind in there, seemed ideal) but apparently the body does what it wants. Fuck you too, body.
I'm exhausted every night because a) I'm not eating and b) the laxative tea makes me wake up at 5:00-7:30 in the morning, and by the time I've sat in the bathroom with the light on for a few minutes, I'm wide awake and it's not entirely pointful to try to get another half hour of sleep, over the din of the concrete factory's magic.
If anyone who doesn't know what they're talking about wants to vocalize their suspicions that the cleanse is either a hoax or deleterious for you, please shut the fuck up. Don't bother me; I'm on a cleanse.
When people casually ask me what I'm doing for lunch or see me come into the kitchen while they're heating up fragrant Indian food, they apologize profusely as if I were a mosque and they just entered me with shoes on, eating a pork rib hero.
I can tolerate the sight of food! To prove it, I will attend our weekly brown bag tomorrow, where there will be free kettle chips, Les Petits Ecoliers and cheese and crackers.
It's amazing how a single day of sub-par weight loss (in today's case, straight up zero) dampens your mood. I lost 2.8 lbs in the two prior days, which made me think I'd mastered the rhythm (eight glasses of lemonade, with some pulp and rind in there, seemed ideal) but apparently the body does what it wants. Fuck you too, body.
I'm exhausted every night because a) I'm not eating and b) the laxative tea makes me wake up at 5:00-7:30 in the morning, and by the time I've sat in the bathroom with the light on for a few minutes, I'm wide awake and it's not entirely pointful to try to get another half hour of sleep, over the din of the concrete factory's magic.
If anyone who doesn't know what they're talking about wants to vocalize their suspicions that the cleanse is either a hoax or deleterious for you, please shut the fuck up. Don't bother me; I'm on a cleanse.
